A Comedic Collector’s Tale
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featured in our
very first Scoop and he returns again to regale us with another
not-so-ordinary account of a morning in the life of a colorful
collector:
Today I destroyed a comic.
Luckily, it was not one
of my favorites, and also luckily it is easily replaceable but I destroyed it
nonetheless. Those of you who know me, know that I tend to take pretty good care
of my “kids.” True, now and then I have been known to stuff a few in a backpack,
but even that is usually done with a modicum of care.
So, how did I
destroy the comic? Well, the story begins in my shower. Now most comic stories
don’t start – or even end up — in the shower, but this story nonetheless starts
in the shower. I began my usual routine (for those of you with young
impressionable children in the reading audience, I will be kind and not go into
specific details) but after shampooing my hair I began soaping up. Usually not
the most exciting portion of the show, but today I was using a new and if I may
be so bold, unfamiliar, bar. About a minute into the process…IT
happened.
Before I go any further … I want to take a brief poll. Now
don’t lie. I am willing to bet that the following has happened to each and every
one of you at some point in your entire lifetime, so be honest and fess up: The
soap slipped.
OK it more than slipped, this puppy shot out of my hand
like Glamorous Glynnis trying to break the speed barrier. I mean this thing went
from a harmless cleansing toiletry to a dangerous flying Bar-O-Death in
nanoseconds. Now normally when this happens, the offending matter bounces
harmlessly off the floor or maybe hits the shower curtain to once again land
harmlessly on the bathtub floor.
But nooooo. Nuclear physicists from
the Manhattan Project in their wildest dreams couldn’t have predicted the
outcome of this event. Even Minnesota Fats in his heyday couldn’t have planned
this two wall / toilet seat / out the door / into my comic box in the other room
shot, thus destroying the open comic lying oh-so-innocently on top. The
trajectory of this savage sudser was a thing of beauty. Even as we speak,
experts who’ve been in hiding since November ’63 are on their way from Dallas to
try and explain this away with something they are chillingly calling their :
MAGIC BULLETBAR THEORY.
Truly an amazing shot!
That’s how I
destroyed my comic.
I now return you to whatever you were
doing.
Yours,
Mike Solof
ts in the shower. I began my usual routine (for those of you
with young impressionable children in the reading audience, I will be kind and
not go into specific details) but after shampooing my hair I began soaping up.
Usually not the most exciting portion of the show, but today I was using a new
and if I may be so bold, unfamiliar, bar. About a minute into the process...IT
happened.</font><br><br><font face="Arial">Before I go any further ... I want
to take a brief poll. Now don’t lie. I am willing to bet that the following has
happened to each and every one of you at some point in your entire lifetime, so
be honest and fess up: The soap slipped.</font><br><br><font face="Arial">OK it
more than slipped, this puppy shot out of my hand like Glamorous Glynnis trying
to break the speed barrier. I mean this thing went from a harmless cleansing
toiletry to a dangerous flying Bar-O-Death in nanoseconds. Now normally when
this happens, the offending matter bounces harmlessly off the floor or maybe
hits the shower curtain to once again land harmlessly on the bathtub floor.
</font><br><br><font face="Arial">But nooooo. Nuclear physicists from the
Manhattan Project in their wildest dreams couldn’t have predicted the outcome of
this event. Even Minnesota Fats in his heyday couldn’t have planned this two
wall / toilet seat / out the door / into my comic box in the other room shot,
thus destroying the open comic lying oh-so-innocently on top. The trajectory of
this savage sudser was a thing of beauty. Even as we speak, experts who’ve been
in hiding since November ’63 are on their way from Dallas to try and explain
this away with something they are chillingly calling their : MAGIC BULLETBAR
THEORY.</font><br><br><fon